10.27

I looked through one of my sketchbooks yesterday. I had noted somewhere:

"I wonder how people think. Literally how. What do thoughts look like? Do all people think in pictures like I do?"

A few days ago it occured to me:

What do people think about?

I think too much about fictional characters and their relationships. Spend time making up characters and stories, and then spend time cursing myself for not working seriously on them. Make up crazy what-if scenarios, thinking about what could happen today or tomorrow or the day after.

Also I spend time worrying about how nobody likes me and how I should put my foot in my mouth sometimes and how people might be avoiding me. Then, I think about how ridiculous that is.

I'm ridiculous a lot of the time.

I also think about: the weather, what I should wear, when I'm going to get my hair cut. Cats and food and sleepiness. Fears. If I'm hungry, if I'm tired (I'm almost always tired or hungry). Schoolwork. Things that happened. Things I want to happen. People on the internet, people in my life. Myself: Am I good enough? Am I going to fail? Do I want to be who I am? Will I achieve what I want? Then, soft beds and running water and rain. Or sun.



PS.: I promise there will be pretty pictures next time.
PPS.: I was thinking about starting to write in Greek. Maybe I will. I don't know.
PPPS.: What do you think about?