Πήγα πενταήμερη και γύρισα.
Χτες βράδυ κοιμήθηκα στο κρεβάτι μου (σ'ένα μέρος που δεν ήταν πούλμαν), χωρίς κανέναν να κοιμάται πάνω μου (χωρίς να κοιμάμαι πάνω σε κανέναν). Χωρίς καθόλου θόρυβο. Ήταν περίεργο.
Συνηθίζεις τόσο εύκολα σε κάποια πράγματα. Πέντε μέρες και συνήθισα τα τραπέζια του πρωινού και τις πεταμένες κάλτσες της Α. και την Β. να παίρνει τηλέφωνο τους δικούς της και οι θόρυβοι (τα γέλια και οι φωνές και τα σκυλάδικα και τα βήματα στο διάδρομο) έγιναν ρουτίνα. Συνήθισα τον Β. που χτύπαγε κάθε τρεις και λίγο την πόρτα και συνήθισα μέχρι και να βγαίνω να του φωνάζω "σε βάρκα γεννήθηκες;" κάθε φορά που δεν έκλεινε βγαίνοντας.
Τώρα ψιλονυστάζω και προσπαθώ να βρω τι θα γράψω, αλλά κάνω χάζι τα στάτους και τα κόμμεντ στο φεισμπουκ και γελάω μόνη μου με τις φωτογραφίες σα χαζή. Αποσυντονίζομαι τελείως, αυτό το ποστ όσο πάει και καταστρέφεται.
Ρε γαμώτο, γιατί να είναι μόνο μία η πενθήμερη?
Friday, 16 December 2011
Tuesday, 29 November 2011
Tuesday, 4 October 2011
Monday, 3 October 2011
Sunday, 2 October 2011
songs for autumn evenings #1
(This was supposed to be posted yesterday. Clearly it wasn't.)
I just... have too many feelings about this song.
Monday, 19 September 2011
10.27
I looked through one of my sketchbooks yesterday. I had noted somewhere:
"I wonder how people think. Literally how. What do thoughts look like? Do all people think in pictures like I do?"
A few days ago it occured to me:
What do people think about?
I think too much about fictional characters and their relationships. Spend time making up characters and stories, and then spend time cursing myself for not working seriously on them. Make up crazy what-if scenarios, thinking about what could happen today or tomorrow or the day after.
Also I spend time worrying about how nobody likes me and how I should put my foot in my mouth sometimes and how people might be avoiding me. Then, I think about how ridiculous that is.
I'm ridiculous a lot of the time.
I also think about: the weather, what I should wear, when I'm going to get my hair cut. Cats and food and sleepiness. Fears. If I'm hungry, if I'm tired (I'm almost always tired or hungry). Schoolwork. Things that happened. Things I want to happen. People on the internet, people in my life. Myself: Am I good enough? Am I going to fail? Do I want to be who I am? Will I achieve what I want? Then, soft beds and running water and rain. Or sun.
PS.: I promise there will be pretty pictures next time.
PPS.: I was thinking about starting to write in Greek. Maybe I will. I don't know.
PPPS.: What do you think about?
"I wonder how people think. Literally how. What do thoughts look like? Do all people think in pictures like I do?"
A few days ago it occured to me:
What do people think about?
I think too much about fictional characters and their relationships. Spend time making up characters and stories, and then spend time cursing myself for not working seriously on them. Make up crazy what-if scenarios, thinking about what could happen today or tomorrow or the day after.
Also I spend time worrying about how nobody likes me and how I should put my foot in my mouth sometimes and how people might be avoiding me. Then, I think about how ridiculous that is.
I'm ridiculous a lot of the time.
I also think about: the weather, what I should wear, when I'm going to get my hair cut. Cats and food and sleepiness. Fears. If I'm hungry, if I'm tired (I'm almost always tired or hungry). Schoolwork. Things that happened. Things I want to happen. People on the internet, people in my life. Myself: Am I good enough? Am I going to fail? Do I want to be who I am? Will I achieve what I want? Then, soft beds and running water and rain. Or sun.
PS.: I promise there will be pretty pictures next time.
PPS.: I was thinking about starting to write in Greek. Maybe I will. I don't know.
PPPS.: What do you think about?
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